I think tomorrow i will weigh myself.
im scared. god im scared but its a must if i want to know if im doing well or if i need to restrict more...
Calories have been harder to track given that the bf is a feeder and my dad has cooked a few times..
I dread to think...most days ive been at 400cals to 450... some days its been up there at 800 or so but i have then not eaten much the next day...
it seems harer this time around. like i have the drive, but ive lost my focus. or i no what i want to be but i dont have the motiation to get there like i used to.
i dunno. maybe im just weak. maybe becuz im not focusing on the numbers as much as i should. i feel like im failing.
I need to get bk to the gym. im takiing my kit with me 2mooro to work and im doing basic ab excersises and yoga. then if i have the time im gonna do a run on the cross trainer. i dont like the cross trainer as much as the treadmill tho. it makes me sad that i have to use that then go to my gym. but it is an option of course i just gotta make it a priority.
i miss being small. i miss the way things were loose and the way i had to always size down. i kept my small skirt as a token of encouragement. i cant remeber if i kept the jeans. it made me sad to look at them.
Tomorrow i will weigh myself.
and im scared ill see a number i wont like an ill spiral again.
but i cant not weigh myself.
its beens too long.
fingers crossed im closer than i was.
No comments:
Post a Comment