Keep pushing

 One of my favourite things to do is push myself because I don't believe in limits...

Flash back to Lohan right there...

But it's true, u can achieve anything if u push through the pain.

I've really got into working out again.  I have done so for over 2 weeks straight now, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day jll just keep pushing till I hurt because I want to see a difference.  I wanna step on them scales and see a drop and I want my waist to be smaller by at least 1 inch by Monday next week.  

Got a party Sunday but I'm gonna pretend to drink to save on calories, I'm not ruining all my hard work. 

I can't wait till I'm smaller....

An apple a day as they say ...

Its all a lie

 What a fuckiing lie!

So the diet supplements did Jack squat. I shat like a trooper on the colon cleansers, but it didn't shift anything.!

Then the shred 7! Well waste of money that was!!I didn't loose a pound!  Except the £25 I paid for it! 

So feeling dejected I looked into more substantial things.  Like diets. Because we all know I can stick to them...a little too well..

The military diet....

Sounded great. Actually involved eating more than I currently was... and apart from the tuna, things I liked.

It's a 3 day on 4 day off kinda job. They say it's no sustainable full time which is a joke imo as that amount of food is more than I'd have usually tucked into! 

Weigh in on day 4 am and day 8 am. Where u can start it Again.  I lost 4lbs first weigh in tomorrow ill see if its stayed off or come back and if I lose more. I've stuck to healthy eating and excessive daily. 

Excersize has been: 

100-200 sit ups

100-200 Russian twists

60-100 v ups. 

With extras here and there and today I did an hr full body as I had a fairly big ,eal yesterday and a glass of wine. 

Fingers crossed dfor success tomorrow? 

Think I'll try through diet next!!!

Getting closer now... a loss is a start and a step in the right direction and that direction is SMALL

Tomorrow is the end

Tomorrow I find out if the £25 worth of diet supplements i brought work or not.

I was fucking horrendously overweight at the beginning of last week. Im scared not much has changed particularly as i had a 3 course meal 1 day and pizza yesterday, however, i didn't eat much else the rest of the week and to be honest, if i didn't eat id have not had the fat to burn, which is what the pills did.

There were 3 drinks a day and 2 tablets to be taken before evening meal. For 7 days. 

I stuck to it. Only once did i have to take the drink after the food. Just hoping i see some results tomorrow. Then ill be trying the military diet for 3 days. 

Only thing is, i fucking hate tuna.. And theres a fair amount of the shit. 

Still no pain no gain!

Will update tomorrow!!

Nothing has changed, yet somehow, everything has...

 I feel such relief now I'm on my own. 

It's so much easier not having to make excuses or pretend I'm OK.. 

I guess now it's a waiting game.

The 15 day detox tablets I bought are working a treat in that I've never pooped so much in my life! I didn't weigh in b4 the start, and I still have 5 more days or so to go, I will check at the end as I'm pretty sure I have a rough idea of my  number...

Once completed I'll give a lowdown on the pros and cons and see how I feel and then...

*drum roll please* 

There is this new amazing product with amazing reviews I'm gonna give a go. 

It's for 7 days and I'm super excited to see what happens. !!!

Skinnys the game...and weight loss is the aim!!

What's the worst that could happen,  right??

It's weird how positive I feel about it all. I'm guessing it's because I no longer feel like I'm being watched. 

Hopefully as I'm home they won't notice the weight loss but we shall see.....

One day maybe my life won't revolve around  my weight

I ended it today

 i ended it today

me and him, are over.

i cant say there was any one thing, but a culmination of little things and feelings of suffocation i couldnt get past that made me realise i couldnt continue.

i love him to pieces. but im not in love with him.

plus without him, its easier to not eat. its easier to not have cheat days because he isnt there feeding me or remining me im hungry. 

I have more time to go to the gym.

more time to work on me so i can be small.

tiny

insignificant.

so i cant keep hurting people.

i hate how i am. i hate i can just switch off and feel nothing, it makes all my feelings feel invalid.

but this loss gives me focus. nothing to distract me now. its just me and the desire to be less now.

i can do this,

we can do this

the end is just the beginning.

how many pills does it take

I find myself perusing the reviews on amazon foe weight loss pills again abd buying the ones with the terrible reviews that specify they make you violently ill. Detox tea that makes it so you're running to a toilet. Pills that most users say makes them so ill they pass out.

Add to basket

Buy. 

You say problem i say solution. 

So far nothing has worked in that i havent had chronic illness or terrible shits. I have blacked out 3 times in one night but that could have been the calorie deficit mixed with the bottle of red. Who knows

Im watching what i eat. At work the running joke is what weird thing is tiff eating for dinner? Is it cabbage water or a handful of lettuce? It makes it a good environment to not fail as they are all watching which means i cant fail.

Tho today i did eat biscuits. I had a small potato fish pie and lettuce as my meal which was 290 cals. I had 3 cracker bread with extra light philly 86 cals. And then i had 4 onions 11cals and then like 6 biscuits. Which was where it went bad. Bit tomorrow is a new day and will be soup day so im not too worried. Im still in a deficit.

I feel like its my only escape. Hell either stand by me or leave and either way i will see the truth of whats meant to be.

Im not afraid of being alone. Its motivation. 

4 senna, 2 aqua ban and 2 detox teas later and im waiting for the cramps.

Thatll teach me to enjoy bad food.