and

 Everyday , its a getting closer, gonna take a bath with my toaster...

i wish i could just be happy but i cant when i can  look down and see the bulge that is my stomach.  i hate it.

he kept feeding me yesterday. i kept saying i wasnt hungry but he wouldnt listen. i m=did so well and thn he forced me to eat. my 240 calories turned into at least 1000, if not more. 

I had:  2 small yoghurts at 43cal , some bluberries 20cal, small handful of cheerios 80cal..

and then....a footlong hot dog 600cal?? and then a stickky toffee pudding with cream! 362+130? 492!! christ thats a lot

So in total my fat ass had 1278cals approx*

i may as well have eaten a tub of lard. its disgusting.

I hate feeling this way. so out of control. food is the one thing i should control but if he keeps making me eat how can i win?

Made meeat breakfast this morning but i got away with a small portion of cornflakes, semi skimmed milk and no sugar. id say 150cals tops as i had a tiny portion.

And thats all im eating today.

i make myself sick.

i need to have better control

and i will. 

i weighed myself this morning on his scales again. still 63kg but thats hardly suprising given the amount i ate yesterday. knew i shouldnt have took lunch.

i have a juicer coming so next week is juice and soup week... liquid diet and all seriously low cal. watch this space... im gonna get small again. i will. i must.... i swear to god i will.

i refuse to be the chunky one. i refuse to have my eating habits mocked. 

i am going to get through the rest of 2021 on low calories and start 2022 on a lighter note & weight....