Thus it has begun....again

 I tried so hard and got so far. But in the end....

Im still a piece of shit thats struggling with the same bull over and over and over...

Id love to say i get well each time but i think i just push it down till it becomes  a problem again. Clearly i dont get better... i get much worse as each time i fall head first down that rabbit hole, i get deeper and deeper into it and my UGW get smaller and smaller...

100lbs used to be my number...

100lbs was all i could want and was always soooo close but id give up ...or should i say 'recover' right as i got close...

Now 99 is my number...

it suddenly came to me, like why would i want 100 when i could be 99??

99lbs sounds so much ....better?

so thats the new goal. thats what im working towards.

from today

Todays Intake

Breakfast : Nothing

Dinner: BF made me a healthy rice and chicken dish , est 449cals

Tea: Nothing

Snacks: None

EXCERSIZE 40 mins of cardio and weights inc rowing and cross trainer. 

The bf even brought me my fave milkshake, i had 2 sips, took it away and threw it in the bin...

i love the fact he thought of me, but i cant have milkshakes anymore. they are what make me gain weight...

I even brought all the alpro vegan milks again, the lowest cal , no sweetner , nut based drinks for my porridge and my coffees ...

i made some overnight oats for 2moro. i put less than half a cup of oats in, some blueberries and strawberries and a dash of coconut milk with 3g of PB in it for protein...

dads making food 2moro night. dont know how ill avoid it. Might have to fake sickness, or 'keep it for lunch the next day'

we shall see...

the 1st week is always up & down. like with anything it needs to become a routine,...

Question is...do i weigh myself? dare i look at how big i have become??