Honestly this is the worst thing ever...

Whats annoying is that it was going so well

i was so close

8 stone.

id reached 8 stone..

and then im forced to have yet another motherfucking family meal that i cant get out of

and this morning im 8 stone fucking 2lb..

thats set me back 2 whole days now.

today i would have been in GW territory... i was 8 FUCKING STONE

ANY MORE DROPS AND ID SEE SEVENS!! LIKE IVE BEEN WANTING FOR WEEKS!

But oooooh nooooo

back tracked once again!!

All ive done all day is look at food recipes, from slimming world meals to mug cakes to full on slow cooker goodness...

and i still cant eat any of it because im still a fat heffa because until i get into the safe 7s i cant eat!!!

clearly!! otherwise i gain!!! over-fucking-night!!!

7stone and 6lbs is preferred. ill settle for 7stone 10lb by my birthday where i will, against all wills, enjoy myself and have a drink and cake and cheese and whatever the fuck else i want...

cuz then i can get back on it, and any damage i do i can repair cuz ill still theoretically be in the 7s. Which is safe... and so much closer to my UGW of 100lbs.

Once i reach the 7s, ill eat again, like not normally , i cant do that, but normal for me meaning under 500 cals a day...

then slowly but surely i can drop to the low 7s whilst still eating something at least...

right now i cant even eat a fucking 50 cal pink & white wafer without gaining fat...

Stupid body... restrict all week, eat once and BAM..back to shitsville...

tried to talk to BEAT today on chat... but chat then froze i pressed a button i shouldnt have and didnt get any help or answers i needed...totally not their fault tho..but i cant bring myself to talk to them again..

i dont need help anyway, im not small enough for that they'd just laugh at me...

lets see what tomorrow brings shall we!

I am disgusting...

So i did it

i got the job

im leaving where i am and where i go no one will be watching my eating..

The worst part is i fucking gained a whole pound...

My dad practically made me eat a 4 egg omelette with mushrooms and a bit of cheese...

it was swimming in butter. Made me feel disgusting..

But FAT ME DECIDED THAT WASNT ENOUGH!!

I then had 2 jaffa cakes

1 pink & white wafer

1/2 can peaches

1/2 can pineapples

4 Moam Sweets

All after this omelette... 

I am disgusting

I took 4 lax but they did nothing. Not even a cramp!!!

Fucking let downs i must be used to them now

i even tried purging..for like 20 mins straight there i was shoving my fingers down my throat and all i puked was some bile & what looked like a red pepper and fuck knows where that came from!!

Today i have fasted all day but tonight is chinese night and i have no way of getting out of it...

Ive ordered chop suey... its veggies. I can drain the sauce.. i can leave bits... Ill work out when i get home

I went from 8st 3.6lbs to 8st 4.4lbs overnight...

I swear to god if i get on them scales tomorrow and im more ill just die...

I neeeeeeed to lose that last 5lb. i need to see 7stone. I just need to be under 8 and ill be happy. Only then ill feel safe to eat again... 

How the fuck can i gain weight eating waaaay below the national average..??? How?

I HATE IT!!

Water Fast Results

The results are in...

I fasted for 5 days 13 hours...

All i had was Water, Flavoured Water, Black Coffee & 2 cups of Tea a day with 0 cal Sweetener...

I went from being... 8stone and 12.8 pounds to...... 8 Stone 4.8 pounds... meaning a total loss of... 8lbs in 5 days!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS BIIIISHES!!

And then Saturday happened.... i thought..its ok to break fast now. So i was good, i had 1.5oz of cereal which was 112 cals. I went to my mothers...who gave me a sandwich of ham & beetroot on white bread totalling 287 cals. AND THEN... 
i had 4 ginger biscuits as i had a sweet tooth 168cals
A pink & white wafer 50cals

I then went to a charity ball... where there was a sit down meal & so much wine, champagne and whisky... ???cals All i know is i left most of my main ate some meat, like 3 small baby potatoes, some salad & coleslaw... then came the cheesecake..

This fat piece of shit ate not 1, but THREE fucking slices of cheesecake... FUCKIN THREE.... because i was getting drunk too quick, i wasnt thinking, i wanted to sober up so i wouldnt eat more...and then came the Birthday cake...which i literally had the smallest of slices so max 150cals... but still.......

AND THAT WAS ALL BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 8 THROUGH TILL MIDNIGHT MEANING NO TIME TO BURN IT OFF!!

I worked so hard.... all that effort of not eating for over 5 days and i sabotage myself in a few hours... FML.. i clearly cannot be trusted around food...

Therefore, this week instead of having broth week its another fast.... i deserve the punishment...

I didnt dare weigh myself Sunday.. i was too scared... i weighed myself this morning and im 8stone 5.8  so i gained a whole pound.... and thats after 1 day of not eating too...

Im going on a mega long walk tonight, try burn off some more cals... gonna listen to music, contemplate the mess that is my life....

Wednesday will be hard... mom wants to cook for me.. so i must get around that somehow..
Thursday i have no choice but to eat.. i have to take my sis in law and niece to my parents for our family take out night...
They will make sure i eat.. so i need to good lowest cal Chinese food...

I need to get to 7 stone 10lbs... then ill be happy....

for now...

Ive not eaten for 5 days...

You really can do anything you put your mind to!!

I started my Water Fast Sunday 9th at 8 oclock...May have been before that but i know i didnt eat past 8...

Not a single piece of food has been eaten since then...

All i have allowed is Water. Black Coffee & 2 cups of Tea a day.
The water can be flavoured... 
The coffee can have sweetener but MUST be 0 Cal.
The tea can have a splash of milk BUT only skimmed/semi skimmed & only a tablespoon at most...

On Wednesday i chewed & spit 2 bites of toast... i had to bring in food and toast it at work, make crumbs & put it in the bin so work didnt get suspicious of my eating...or lack of.. simply the smell of toast made them believe i was having lunch!!

Thursday i struggled. i was so tired. But i made it through..

Tuesday was by far the hardest. I was hungry, tired, so very irritable to everyone... BUT i made it through..

Each day i weighed myself...
Tomorrow ill upload final figures... But, bear in mind, im due on tomorrow so im assuming im retaining water, also ive not pooped for a week. I tried taking Lax and nothing.. not even cramps so im guessing im well and truly empty...

EMPTY IS GOOD. EMPTY IS STRONG...!!

I need to try on my ballgown for tomorrow night.... My worry is...will it be too big?! 

IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF
I wish i wish i could have gone longer but with the Ball being a social even and there being food served & i have family commitments, i know its going to be near on impossible to keep this up over the weekend.. ill just keep cals low and start afresh Monday!


I truly am on a path of self destruction and i dont even care...
I need to be punished for what ive done..
Im not even ill thats the best of it...
If i went to the Drs they'd laugh at me!! According to the NHS IM HEALTHY!! 

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

Remember... Hungry to Bed Hungry to Rise, Makes a Girl a Smaller Size!!