I ended it today

 i ended it today

me and him, are over.

i cant say there was any one thing, but a culmination of little things and feelings of suffocation i couldnt get past that made me realise i couldnt continue.

i love him to pieces. but im not in love with him.

plus without him, its easier to not eat. its easier to not have cheat days because he isnt there feeding me or remining me im hungry. 

I have more time to go to the gym.

more time to work on me so i can be small.

tiny

insignificant.

so i cant keep hurting people.

i hate how i am. i hate i can just switch off and feel nothing, it makes all my feelings feel invalid.

but this loss gives me focus. nothing to distract me now. its just me and the desire to be less now.

i can do this,

we can do this

the end is just the beginning.