Just when you think you're out....
.....life sucks you back in.
I dont know anymore.
The guy i thought loved me didnt. Which is ok, because i didnt love him...but he would have led me further down the path if i hadnt ended it.... The worst part about the whole thing? He wanted his ex back...and what hurt the most was..she is FAT...Broken Promises. Broken Trust
Im with someone new...i love this one, i really do, always have...hes the guy i thought would never want me, because hes AMAZING.. and i was fat. Im less fat now, smallest ive ever been in fact...and i thought he liked that...i thought..
Turns out now im ''too thin' i need to 'gain some timber' apparently im 'just skin and bone'.... but i thought this is what you liked?...Broken promises...Broken trust
Ive come so far i cant go back.
SW: 189 pounds
CW: 117 pounds
Diff: 72 pounds ..5.2 stone...32.6kg
UGW: 100 pounds...7.2 stone...45.3kg
...Just 17 more pounds to go...i can do this..
Im supposed to be body building... my bf wants us to train together...get lean, get muscles...eat 6 meals a day and eat at least 1800 calories..
...i looked at him horrified... i cant eat more than 450 cals a day...if i do the fat will come back and so will the cravings and the need for sweets and chocolate and before i know it a whole bar of chocolate will be gone, and a whole pack , no 2 packs of biscuits will be eaten and then the milkshake, the sweet, smooth milkshake which i love so very much....all of it..swirling around in me like a whirlpool...
its too risky. ill fall back to where i was. ill gain back every last pound...and then...he'll leave me.
He doesnt like fat girls.
i fit into size 6 jeans last week.
Size 6...SIX...it felt amazing, i felt so good for the first time in forever... then i looked in the mirror and saw the real me... fat. ugly, disgusting.
But at least im working on it...
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